Title: John Kiriakou CIA Story Meme Compilation 8
Show: Viral Plug
Date: 2026-03-01
URL: https://youtu.be/VkXrcTg4xgA
Duration: 11:00

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[00:00] According to YouTube statistics, only a small percentage of people that watch my videos are actually subscribed. So if you end up liking this video, consider subscribing. It's free and you can always un They had this thing called >> the sideshow museum. And it was a [music] museum of circus freak shows from the 1800s. Like stuff that had been in these circus sideshows. [music] They had the shadow box hanging on the wall. And there's a dried out turd. And it says it's Abraham Lincoln's final turd. Come on. [music] So it says on the card, it said when he arrived at Ford's Theater, he had to drop a deuce. And so before he got seated, he went [music] to the men's room. And he dropped a deuce

[00:32] in the chamber pot. >> And then he went back to [music] watch the play. >> And he got shot. Somebody had the presence of mind to [ __ ] up. And they say presence of mind over the sickness. [music] Well, there are a lot of Lincoln collectors out there. It's very competitive. I see an article in the [music] Washington Post about 6 months later saying it's going out of business and they're going to auction everything off. So I told my wife, I'm buying that turd. She's [music] like, Oh, no, you're not. I said, Oh, yes, I am. I'm buying that [music] turd. My wife and I actually had a strong disagreement about this. I go to the auction and I I top out at 1,200

[01:03] bucks. It ended up going for five [music] grand. So the guy that ended up buying it sends it to some company for a DNA sample. And what they found was it had [music] like microscopic bits of a Necco Wafer in it. But Necco Wafers weren't invented until 1880. It wasn't his. It wasn't [music] his. It was some random guy's turd >> that somebody paid $5,000 for. It was worth it. Mhm. It was worth it. And another thing, too. And maybe this is getting a little too personal. But you really get to see who your friends are. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. And

[01:33] they're not the people you think they are. Mhm. >> So it's it's interesting because, you know, you and I didn't overlap at the agency. >> No, I left in uh thanks. I left in 2004. Four, yeah. And I came in 2007. >> my resignation was effective in 2005. Right. But the one charge that that stuck for you for the disclosure of a of a secret identity. >> Right. Um >> The um Intelligence Identities Protection Act. >> Right. Was Deuce Martinez. No. It wasn't Deuce. >> No, no. Oh, it was somebody else. The

[02:05] name was never made public. Ah. >> See, this is the thing about Deuce Martinez. They charged me with espionage, saying that I outed Deuce Martinez. Deuce Martinez is on [ __ ] LinkedIn, Central Intelligence Agency Targeting Officer. Right. It's like, well, you charged me with espionage, the guy's on [ __ ] LinkedIn. So, he pulls out the the Polaroids. And again, these are like hardcore gay, you know, [music] anal. And he lays them out. And uh he says, "Is this [music] torture? Are

[02:35] the These men, they're torturing each other. Should they be sent to Guantanamo?" And these guys are old, so they're like they have their their trifocals on, and they're like One of them picks it up and he goes like this. He goes, Oh. Not good. [music] This haram. Not good. And the other one, he hands it to the other one. Ah, no, no, no. This not good. And they just set it down. And they just look at him. But dammit, [music] nothing's happening. >> Another experience that I had that

[03:06] troubled me deeply. I was serving in Pakistan at the [music] time, and I was staying in a small guest house because it was safer than a big hotel. Sure enough, the big hotel was [music] blown up, and 45 people were killed while I was living there. But I left my guest house at a different time, like I did every day, and took a different route, like I did every day, to go to work. And I noticed that a man on a motorcycle wearing a red helmet was trying very hard to stay in my [music] blind spot. I worked 12, 14 hours, whatever it was that day, and I left, and it was dark, and sure enough, there he [music] was

[03:37] again. There's a definition of surveillance, it's multiple sightings at time and distance. So, I've seen him multiple times at different times of the day, and at different [music] places. I'm definitely under surveillance. I got up at 5:00 in the morning, got in the car, drove a block, >> [music] >> there he was again. So, when I got to the to the office, I said to the security officer, "I am under surveillance. >> [music] >> I'm 100% sure that I'm under surveillance." He said, "Well, let's wait until the the chief comes in." When the chief finally came in, I told him the story, and he said, "Well, >> [music] >> you know what you have to do." I said,

[04:07] "I know. I'm going to kill him if I see him this afternoon." I was worried about it all day, and [music] all my coworkers came up to me that day to slap me on the back and say, "Don't worry. We're all going to be out there. We're going to have a whole security team." I said, "I know, but I never killed anybody before, and I'm so worried that he's going to kill me before I get a clear shot at him." That afternoon, [music] I had a meeting at a safe house that we shared with the local service. >> [music] >> And on my way out at the end of the meeting, and I don't know why I did this, but I turned around and I said, "General, are

[04:39] you following me?" And he said, [music] "No, why?" And I said, "Because I'm under surveillance, and if I see this guy again, I'm going to kill him." And I never saw him again. I learned later that several of their officers were sitting around [music] and saying, "You know, that new American guy, he's such a nice guy. Nobody's that nice. I wonder if he's being nice just to try to make us drop our guard." And they decided to put the worst surveillance officer in their entire intelligence service [music] on me. And if I hadn't said something that

[05:10] afternoon, he would be in the ground [music] today. Like the most famous guy on the internet. Now, I don't recognize your normal voice. It's killing me. I know, right? I don't know how this happened. It just happened like literally overnight. It just happened. Can we pull up the latest one that we put [music] up, Dave? Yeah. Let's get John's live reaction. So, when this was happening, when you and I did episodes 278 [music] and 279 together, which was a year ago,

[05:41] I remember this is probably [music] like an hour 20 something minutes into the first episode, and I remember this whole Lincoln thing [music] coming up out of nowhere. I'm like, "God, this is cool. He's a Lincoln collector." And then you look at me with a dead straight face [music] and you're like, "Yeah, I was trying to buy Lincoln's last turd." And I at [music] the time we had Alessio in the studio and I'm I'm I'm like turning to Alessio like this this [ __ ] shits. And then you're like, "Oh, yeah, I was trying to buy it." So, when this all started to break like Danny on on our editing team and and I were

[06:12] we're looking [music] at stuff. I'm like, "You got to make the Lincoln shits." So, he he did. Let's run it. >> [music] >> And it was a museum of circus freak shows from the 1800s. Like stuff that had been in these circus side shows. They had a shadow box hanging on the wall. And there's dried out turd. And it says it's Abraham [music] Lincoln's final turd. Come on. So, it says on the card, it said when he arrived at [music] Ford's Theater, he had to drop a deuce. And so, before he got seated, he went to the men's room. And he dropped [music] a deuce in the chamber pot. And then he went back to watch the play. And he got shot. Somebody had the presence of mind. to

[06:42] [music] [ __ ] out. And they say presence of mind under the sickness. Wow. There are a lot of Lincoln collectors out there. [laughter] I see an article in the newspaper about six months later saying it's going out of business and they're going to auction [music] everything off. So, I told my wife, I'm buying that turd. She's like, No, you're not. I said, Oh, yes, I am. I'm buying that turd. My wife and I actually had a strong [music] disagreement about this. We go to the auction and I I topped out at 1,200 And then it goes for five grand. So, the guy that ended up buying it sends it to [music] some company for a DNA sample.

[07:13] And what they found was it had like microscopic bits of Neko Wafer in it, but Neko Wafers weren't invented until 1880. It wasn't a [ __ ] It wasn't his. It was two two random guy's turd. And that's something people paid $5,000 for. >> [laughter] >> That is one of my better stories. Oh my god. Are you familiar with black Twitter at all? No. Oh, you're not. You need to familiarize yourself. They love you. [music] You really? >> like, "Yo, this [ __ ] John crazy,

[07:44] yo. This some words I'm not allowed to say. This [ __ ] out here just saying straight cap but it's real. And I'm I'm [ __ ] dying and breathing this stuff. And [music] I'm telling you it happened literally overnight and I don't understand [music] why. I know you don't. I mean you're like for people that don't know you personally, which is pretty much everyone out there listening like you've lived this amazing life and done all [music] all these incredible things or whatever, but it's always >> assigned to Iraq

[08:14] and um I immediately became Saddam Hussein's classified biographer in the intelligence community. So while the Soviet Union is falling apart and those analysts are becoming big stars, I focused on Iraq and then much to my shock and the world's shock, 9 months later Iraq invaded Kuwait and overthrew the Kuwaiti royal family and seized Kuwait's oil fields. Uh this was a a naked act of aggression and war.

[08:45] And so um I walked in that morning. I got up early because we knew that the invasion was coming. We predicted 30 days before that Saddam would invade Kuwait. But um I got into the office early and my boss uh sort of intercepted me and said don't take your jacket off, we're going to the White House. And I'd never been to the White House before. So we we got in a car, we drove to the White House and we were escorted into the Oval Office. And keep in mind, I was 25 years old at the

[09:16] time. And you walk into the Oval Office and here's the president, the vice president, the national security advisor, the CIA director, my boss and me. And the the mood is very heavy. So everybody sits down and the president says, "Well, now what do we do?" And then everybody turns and looks at me. And it took me a second to get my bearings. And I said, "Well, the Kuwaiti government's been overthrown. The Iraqi government announced this morning that they had

[09:46] installed Ahmad al-Khatib as the occupation governor of of Kuwait. I said, "Unfortunately, we happen to know a lot about Ahmad al-Khatib. He got a medical degree at the American University of Beirut, and his college roommate was George Habash, and together they created the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine." And the vice president says, "Jesus Christ." And I thought, "Wow, this is this is bad."

[10:16] We finished the briefing, got up and walked out, and two things happened. My boss said to me, "There's something you need to understand." He said, "I'm not sure that you're appreciating the importance of what's happening. It's not unusual for a country that we cover to go to war. It's highly unusual for a country that we cover to go to war with us. And so, we sent the largest army deployed since the end of the Vietnam War.

[10:48] We invaded Kuwait. We liberated it. And then, uh, the rest is history. >> [music] [music]
