[00:00] We're going to be ranking politicians on how good of a case officer I think they would be. How good of a CIA operations officer they would be using what's called the S tier rating system. I'm told by my younger producer that S means you would be one of the best case officers in the whole CIA. And it goes all the way down to F, which means you would probably be horrendous, you would probably sell state secrets to a foreign government for money, or you're sleeping with your
[00:31] source. So, so let's take a look actually. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Yeah, you know what? I'm going to be a nice guy and I'm going to give her a C because there's probably a certain kind of person who would be attracted to her as a case officer and would probably volunteer information to her. The next one is Hakeem Jeffries.
[01:03] I'm going to give Hakeem Jeffries a D. Because Hakeem Jeffries is a know-it-all narcissist who cares only about his organization. Right? His party. He doesn't really care about the the greater good. I just don't trust the guy. Next we have Ro Khanna. I like Ro Khanna very much. I'm going to give Ro Khanna an A. And I'll tell you why. I think Ro Khanna
[01:35] is one of these very few selfless people. Ro Khanna cares about the greater good. I think that he would I think that he has cut the kind of personality where people want to be around him. And and I think that that would make him a successful case officer. Next we have I think that's Tom Massie. Thomas Massie, yes. I'm going to I'm going to say Thomas Massie is my S. I know Thomas Massie.
[02:05] Um we're very friendly with each other. We have a great friend in common, and so we all go to baseball games together. I was very disappointed that he lost his congressional race, but he's going on to bigger things. Um Thomas Massie is most definitely the kind of person that people want to be close to. He attracts that kind of attention, positive attention. I think he'd be a successful case officer. Next, we have Matt Gaetz.
[02:36] You might remember Matt Gaetz is a former congressman from Florida. Um he was briefly named as attorney general of the United States, but then dropped out when Republican senators uh said that they they wouldn't support him. But Matt Gaetz is another one of those people that that people like to be around. He's very personable. I've come to know him quite well. And I'm going to put him uh next to Ro Khanna as an A. I think he would be
[03:07] he would be a good case officer. Listen. Next, we have Max Miller. Max Miller, of course, is a Republican congressman from Ohio. Max Miller has been credibly accused of beating his wife, scalding her with hot water, and breaking the collarbone of their 2-year-old daughter. That is not the kind of person you want at the CIA. There's an internal rule at
[03:38] the CIA that if you have been credibly accused of spousal abuse or domestic abuse, you may not carry a gun. And if you're overseas, and you're not allowed to carry a gun, you're no good to the CIA. He gets an F. I don't even know if we have F on our chart. He's an F. Most definitely. Next we have Mike Johnson. Mike Johnson is the speaker of the house. People who know Mike Johnson say he's a
[04:09] lovely person as a human being. He's a terrible politician and arguably the weakest speaker of the house in American history. The criticisms of Mike Johnson come mostly from Republican members of the house. And they say that his biggest negative is that he promises everything to everybody and then delivers on nothing. I'm going to I'm going to put him at a D. He might be able to push some paper,
[04:41] but he would be a terrible case officer. Next we have Jim Jordan. Jim Jordan is a powerful congressman from the state of Ohio. He's the chairman of the I think it's the Judiciary Committee or the Homeland Security Committee in the house. Something like one of the very big committees. Um I sort of have a love-hate thing going with Jim Jordan. He talks a tough game,
[05:13] but um but he doesn't really get a whole lot of things done. And one of the big problems that I have with Jim Jordan is before he was in Congress, he was the wrestling coach at Ohio State University. And wrestlers repeatedly went to him and said, "Coach, we're being sexually abused by the team doctor." And he did nothing to help them. Nothing. And so I think that as a case officer, he probably couldn't be trusted to live
[05:44] within the confines of the rules. I'm going to put him D. Ay, ay, ay. Next we've got Gavin Newsom. Listen, as a human being I loathe Gavin Newsom. I actually crossed paths with him recently at the White House Correspondents uh dinner. The the party. >> [gasps] >> And um I elected to not shake his hand. One of the reasons why I so loathe Gavin
[06:15] Newsom is that when he was the mayor of San Francisco and he was running for Lieutenant Governor of California his best friend was running his campaign. And there was an incident where Newsom was supposed to appear at a debate and he said, "I just can't do it. I'm swamped, too much going on. Can you represent me at the debate?" His best friend said, "Of course." He goes to represent Newsom at the debate. Newsom wasn't busy. Newsom was sleeping with his best
[06:46] friend's wife. And they got caught. And Newsom apologized to the people of California. Not to his best friend for banging his wife and just upending a lifelong friendship. The wife resigned. She She was working for Newsom, too. They got divorced. But I don't know. The guy just has scumbag written all over him. I'm going to give him a D.
[07:17] >> [gasps] >> Marjorie Taylor Greene. >> [sighs] >> Marjorie Taylor Greene. I disagree with Marjorie Taylor Greene on 99% of the issues. I think she's not a serious person. I think that she has pulled down the level of debate on Capitol Hill when she was on Capitol Hill. She's resigned effective uh January of this year. But, the thing that bothers me the most about Marjorie Taylor Greene is I think she's just not very bright.
[07:49] I hate to say that. I think she's not very bright. And because of that, I don't think she could follow all the issues that a case officer needs to follow. And I'm going to put her in the D. Next, we have Jon Ossoff. Jon Ossoff is one of the senators from Georgia. Until about 6 months ago, I didn't really know a lot about Jon Ossoff. I've come to know a lot about Jon
[08:20] Ossoff, and I really like this guy. First of all, as an aside, his grandfather, on his mother's side, was Australian. And he was one of those heroes who parachuted onto the island of Crete in the middle of the night to drive the Nazis out of Crete and thus out of Greece. One of the heroes of the liberation of Greece during World War II.
[08:51] I've also come to know Jon Ossoff as one of these rare people on Capitol Hill who is as honest as the day is long. You don't have to like all of his politics or his policies, but this guy belongs with Thomas Massie as an S. Honest. Exactly the kind of person you would want as a CIA CIA case officer. Marco Rubio. This is probably the toughest one. And it's tough because Marco Rubio is
[09:22] really, really smart. But, he's really, really wrong on so many of these issues. If Marco Rubio were in the CIA when I was in in he would be one of these guys jumping up and down to invade Iraq, invade Iraq, invade Iraq. Well, we said at the time that that was nuts. But, the decision has been made and we invaded Iraq anyway. I fear that he would be one of those guys that would focus more on policy
[09:54] than on intelligence. I'm going to give him a C. And I'm giving him a C that high of a grade only because he's so bright. But, I think he would be far better, you know, in politics, let's say, than in intelligence. I don't know, should I put him lower than AOC? Maybe I should Maybe I should bump AOC up to a up to a B. I'm going to bump AOC up to a B cuz I think I think she's better than Rubio
[10:24] and Rubio deserves a C. Nancy Pelosi, ay ay ay ay ay. I think Nancy Pelosi is one of the more dangerous figures in modern politics. I don't like her. I don't trust her. I think she is emblematic of exactly what's wrong with our political system right now. I'm not even going to talk about her. I'm just going to give her a D. Katie Porter is not even worthy of discussion.
[10:55] We're putting her in a D. I I will discuss her for a minute. Katie Porter was a congressman congresswoman from California. I I never saw anybody that that was so publicly, obviously, blatantly trying to be president than Katie Porter. She had She was in Congress, but she wanted to be a senator. No, she wants to be a governor. No, she wants to be the mayor of Los Angeles. No, she wants to be president
[11:25] of the United States. It's like, "Lady, pick a job and stick with it." But, the reason why I put her as a D is that she had a reputation as being one of the meanest members of Congress. She ended up having to drop out of the race for governor of California because she was so cruel to her staff. She would swear at them, berate them, throw things at them, call them names, humiliate them, and this kept leaking out. And this wasn't just,
[11:56] you know, Joe Blow calling the Washington Post. This was a parade of current and former staff members sit saying that she was she was Satan. And so, I think politically she's done. Oh, George Santos. Look, George Santos should never have been in Congress in the first place. George Santos is Oh God, he's a convicted felon. He's a
[12:26] a well-known liar. Uh, you know, not just a liar. He's what psychiatrists call a fabulist. Where he'll just make up a story and not only a story, he'll make up like deep details of a story and present these intimate, intricate details as, you know, as a major part of his life and literally none of it ever happened. None of it. And then when called on the carpet, he
[12:57] just doubles down with another story. And none of this stuff ever happened. He's got to be an F. We don't have the F there, so we got to put him as a D. I have come to know Tucker Carlson very, very well. I consider Tucker to be a friend. Tucker has said about me, just like I say about Tucker, that we disagree on a whole lot of issues. Tucker's very conservative.
[13:29] I'm not. I mean, I guess I am on some things, but um but Tucker is one of the most honest and decent people I've ever known. Like I say, you can disagree with his politics, but he is one of the most honest and decent people I've ever known. Um a CIA case officer? I don't know. CIA director? He's an S.
[14:01] I would put him right up there at the very top. I think Tucker Carlson would be a fantastic CIA director. Yeah, give him an S. And next we have Vice President J.D. Vance. I actually have a lot of respect for J.D. Vance because of where he came from. I understand his path to conservatism. I disagree with it in a lot of ways, but I get it. I read his book um
[14:33] uh Hillbilly Elegy. I didn't see the movie, but the book was captivating. Uh he's from Southwestern Ohio, Appalachia, grew up poor. His mom was a was a drug addict. He was raised by his grandmother for whom he had deep love and respect. Um you know, I think I'm going to put him as an A because I think that just judging by the quality of his
[15:04] character, I believe that he could be trusted as a CIA case officer. Yeah. And last we have Senator Mark Warner, the vice chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, former governor of Virginia. Uh Mark Warner, I'm told, does not like me. At all.
[15:35] And doesn't think I should be pardoned. I'm going to put that aside. I've never met the man. We've never exchanged a harsh word. But, I'm told he doesn't like me. And that's fine. With that said, he's very very smart. He's a terrific manager. He's an accomplished leader, not just in government, but in private industry. And I think I'm going to have to put him up there
[16:05] at the top. I'm going to say S. I think he would actually be quite an excellent CIA director. And uh And he's honest. And we know that because he's He's been in public life for decades. And he's honest. So, anyway, I think that's a pretty fair representation of where I stand on these people. Yeah. Good. And we're going to do more of this. I think that's kind of fun.